Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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