haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
