My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
