we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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