You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize