If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
