I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
