Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
