I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
