I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
