How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize