I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
