Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
