She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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