I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
