Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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