"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My penis needs a shock collar
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
