You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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