Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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