All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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