I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
