ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
