New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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