Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
