You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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