OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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