The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
