He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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