I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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