I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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