im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
