youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
COCAINE IS GR8
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
