Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
