why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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