I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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