so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
God, I missed his penis.
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