Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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