They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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