Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
