Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
