I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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