We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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