Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
