No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Found your dick twin last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
