watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
