So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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