also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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