you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
