Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
