omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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