Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
