Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
