i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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