I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
