all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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