dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize