What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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