i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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