I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
