It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
