he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Im part way to drunk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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