I feel great
I just peed on a car
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
