So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
